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Then I miss you

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English Poetry

when i see my side searching you
and find it empty & cold
when a thought flases my mind
how it would be with you here
when i tell a thousand things to you
talking to myself \\\

then i miss you

when breeze flow \
when spring come
when those in love embrace themselves

then i miss you

when i see those happy faces
when i see those glittering eyes
when i see that comfort of trust
between those in love

then i miss you

when i hear a romantic song
when i hear blues
when i try to hide my heart
in harse thumps & thunder of my guitar

then i miss you

when i know that
my eyes cant stand
blow of a romantic tone
when i say then
i dont want to hear this tune

then i miss you

when my friends say
a thousand bad word to love
when they say
its a game of flesh
when i say then
yaa its true

then i miss you

4 Comments

  1. Vishvnand says:

    The idea is nice but poem is not OK
    suffering from many errors in English, grammatical and others.
    Needs editing for considerable corrections & refinement

  2. Gion Gion says:

    Ajay,
    a good introspective piece but as Vishvnand says needs editing.
    Nice feel to the style. Separation / break up, action / inaction, there is a loneliness that haunts the soul.
    May I suggest the below small changes to spelling, grammar and punctuation? They do not change what I feel is the spirit and intensity of the poem but may make it easier to read,
    Fergus

    when I look to my side for you
    and find there empty and cold
    when a thought flashes in my mind
    – how it would be with you here? –
    when I tell a thousand things to you…
    talking to myself…

    then I miss you

    when breezes blow
    when spring comes
    when those in love embrace

    then I miss you

    when I see those happy faces
    when I see those glittering eyes
    when I see that comfort of trust
    between those in love…

    then I miss you

    when I hear a romantic song
    when I hear the blues
    when I try to hide my heart
    in harsh thumps and thunder of my guitar

    then I miss you

    when I know that
    my ears cannot stand
    the sound of a romantic tone
    when I say then
    – I don’t want to hear this tune!

    then I miss you

    when my friends say
    a thousand bad words to love
    when they say
    – it’s a game of flesh –
    when I say then
    – yaa, it’s true…

    then I miss you

  3. Aniruddha Vanage says:

    Wow! you have penned down your emotions very delicately.
    When we are in love but not with our loved one, there are always times when the world that we experience around us makes us to crave for the presence of our loved one. Liked the poem a lot. My compliments.

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