काश…
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Loading ...काश, तुम होते मेरे साथ
काश, तुम्हें मैं बता सकती कि
कितनी मनमोहक धूप-छाँव यह मतवाली
वह क्षितिज को छूते बादलों की आँख-मिचौली
वह घिरी हुई मैं सपनों के मध्यस्थ
वह रोमांच ऊंचाई पर पहुँचने का
वह अनुभव असीम स्वतन्त्रता का
उस पुलकित मन में बहते गीत
वह घडी-घडी के बदलते द्वीप
वह चित्र जो आँखों में हैं बन रहे
वह रंग जो मन में स्वतः हैं भर रहे
उन चित्रों का तब चित्रण करती मैं
अगर तुम्हारे साथ होती मैं |
16 Comments
अपने अनुभव का काफी अच्छा चित्रण किया है आपने …
parminder Reply:
June 16th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
@THE LAST HINDU, Thank you , it needs work on it, which I did not bother with, but thanks for appreciating.
Beautiful thoughts in the poem & the poem too,
But agree too with Preeti, that it needs slight rework & touching up to improve the flow to come to the high standard of your poems we are always accustomed to.
parminder Reply:
June 16th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
@Vishvnand, Thanks Vishva ji, these were actual thoughts not pretend 
and I felt like a cheater if I edited, hence…
Vishvnand Reply:
June 17th, 2009 at 6:28 am
parminder
You are very right, I can identify with your feelings, which we always have for some of our poems, which others may not be able perceive
उस पुलकित मन में बहते गीत
वह घडी-घडी के बदलते द्वीप
ati sunder pnktiyan, प्रकृति के साथ भावनाओं का चित्रण मनभावन बन पडा है लेकिन आशाओं की ऊंचाईयौं से थोडा कम-प्रयास सुंदर भावना सुंदर और विषय उससे भी सुंदर-बधाई
parminder Reply:
June 16th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
@sushil sarna, Thanks Sushil ji for the appreciation and yes I realise this needs work, but as this was outpouring of my heart….
short sweet meaningful, flow, poetry everythng is there in it
loved it ma’am
parminder Reply:
June 16th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
@rajdeep, Ohhhh thank you Rajdeep ! I just wrote what I felt, no imagination, no makeup.
वह चित्र जो आँखों में हैं बन रहे
वह रंग जो मन में स्वतः हैं भर रहे
उन चित्रों का तब चित्रण करती मैं
अगर तुम्हारे साथ होती मैं |
kya bat hai..bhaut sunder panktiyaa…
yahi hota hai na khud b khud kai rang bhar jate hai jindagi me jab kiis apne ka sath milta hai..apne is ahsaas ko bakhubi byaan kiya
regards
sakhi
parminder Reply:
June 16th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
@sakhi, सखी, बहुत शुक्रिया, आपके सुन्दर शब्दों का, मेरा मन जानने का | कुछ पल ऐसे होते ही हैं जब अपनों का साथ अनिवार्य लगता है |
acchi rachna hai di… aur bhavon ko aapne bahut systematically arrage kiyaa hai, which i feel is difficult while writing wen u r overwhelmed with emotions… par aapne yeh bahut acchi tarah se kiyaa… aapki pehli udaan ki khushi aur anubhav ke aks dekh paa rahi hoon main… [:)]
parminder Reply:
June 16th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
@vartika, वर्तिका, एक तो तुम्हारा दी कहना बहुत भाता है, करीब सी लगती हो और पहली उड़ान, इतना प्यारा कारण , सुन्दर नजारे और अकेले? Not fair naa?
Born and brought up in Kanpur, married in Jaipur and now in Chandigarh, I have been fortunate to taste various cultures of our country. Had a brief stint in teaching while in Jaipur but more duties called. Now, help my husband in his business as much as I can. I love Music, reading, writing, painting, when time allows as I am part of a family of nearly 70 lovely people. I will always be indebted to p4poetry for providing an outlet for what I had always kept under lock and key.
Parminder ji, I always enjoy your poems. This theme is also enjoyable, but i think the flow of the poem needs to be worked on. It is not pleasing my ears as I read it aloud, especially the beginning.
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parminder Reply:
June 16th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
@Preeti Datar, Preeti, it was just feelings that poured out, and I posted as such without any thought over it. It was fascinating, and I was alone
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Preeti Datar Reply:
June 18th, 2009 at 10:09 pm
@parminder, I love it when poets enjoy pennign a creation and then yearn to share it…i’m just the same too!!
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