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The Old Lady By the Gate
(4 votes, average: 3.75 out of 5, rated)
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(Photo credit : Rahul DaCunha-the acclaimed theatre n advertising professional)
You know its 4.30 pm
When she comes and sits there
By the rusted gate with bits of paint
Rest vanquished by time that doesn’t spare
Wrinkles found a new meaning and white a new definition
After adorning her face and her hair
You can make your toddler learn ” C ” by looking at her spine
She sits there with a blank face,vision hardly there
Just alert to every sound,to the creak of the gate
To the footsteps that were familiar once
To the voice that said ” Momma ! I am here ”
To the whiff of ‘ Brut” that he put after his shower
To the fingers that came and entwined with hers
Who left in the morning four & 20 years ago
After having said- ” See you at 4.30 “
22 Comments
It was an attempt to try something new……Your intentions were good.,but you did not give your best shot at it. Though I liked the story. You really did not have enough time for it………………
Stars = 3
renu rakheja Reply:
June 14th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
@ULHAS, lol- Ulhas- your comments are interesting as always !
ULHAS Reply:
June 17th, 2009 at 8:46 am
I dont know, I felt like that……..I felt you did not give your best………..I try to comment from my heart, sometimes I get critizised for the harsh comments……..well if you have given your best, then it is not the bestest of your poem……………..I am sorry…………………..
I know the concept was new…………well….I havent seen it before…..you always try to come out with something new………
Please reply…………..On why laughed out loud…………………
renu rakheja Reply:
June 17th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
@ULHAS, Coz you are so honest and straightforward with your comments – its a pleasant surprise….and yes- all our poems can never be bestest of all:)
ULHAS Reply:
June 20th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
You know what after seeing all the comments, I tried to read it again…..as every one has said beautiful things about it………….hmmmmm….
I didnt understand the bits of paint stuff…………..Otherwise Its a good attempt…
Please explain bits of paint….???
really this poem touches
especially these lines
Wrinkles found a new meaning and white a new definition
After adorning her face and her hair
You can make your toddler learn ” C ” by looking at her spine
why the hell do we still cling on to our sensitivity when it leaves us begging on the streets!
salutations for such lovely penning of a sequence. it takes a lot of pain to minutely detail out things and in poetic form!!!!well, it comes only from a poetess as intelligent and artistic as Renu herself is.
kudos!!!!
renu rakheja Reply:
June 14th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
@purabi, Thanks Purabi- this poem was inspired by a picture that our friend had taken in Greece
Renu, yes….you were right. This is different, and I like it. No one can word pain so poetically! I’d love to see the picture though.
renu rakheja Reply:
June 17th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
@Preeti Datar, http://www.facebook.com/inbox/?drop&ref=mb#/photo.php?pid=524934&id=1158504283
I hope you can open it since it was on facebook !
Preeti Datar Reply:
June 17th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
@renu rakheja, I’m glad you posted the photo. Takes the poetry experience to a whole new level!
I am water
Sometimes solid...you can always depend on
Sometimes liquid...fits in anywhere
Sometimes vapor...ephemeral...I am there and then I am gone
Sometimes ice...but can be dissolved by fire
Sometimes swirling ....with passion
Sometimes tranquil ....with still desire
Always flowing....unaware of the destination
Sometimes vivid ....like blue sapphire
Always pure....see your reflection
Always rising ...wanting to go higher
http://renunrajsblog.blogspot.com/
nicely rendered,
a pity the old lady , still looking 4 that elusive son
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