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The Exodus
(6 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5, rated)
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She stood there dazed; beside a magnificent oasis
Her drunken eyes gently descended behind her silk shawl
Whose length stretched out to feel the soothing aura.
Never had she experienced, a night so majestic
As the sky aptly imitated an Old Persian tapestry-
Sparkling with pride, in elegant shades of magenta.
The desert resembled heaps of powdered gold, that night-
As a dune broke away and swept to kiss her toes
To summon the reminiscence of her past life.
The soul of Egypt softly whispered to the moon…
Of the soul of their dead mistress, inside the visitor.
Soon the twilight shimmered on a million cenotaphs
Of the long-dead serpents, the warriors of the sand.
Life soon did befriend, the fleshless half-beasts
To mark the resurrection of their beloved queen.
A swarm of bones then marched towards the golden crypt,
Torches held high, the tongue-less chanted hysterical verses.
Clubs and axes crushed the golden crypt-
As the soul departed from the body of the traveler.
Silver ashes from the crypt flew high and swung…
Flesh from the sand,
Blood from the Nile.
The world awaits
The goddess of destruction.
21 Comments
very nice
gr8
*****
Shreyansh tomar morde ekta gr8 poet bose ache bar koro oita ke , u r the gr8 poet of our future india.
keep writing
regards
OK shreyansh bhai………kya bolu mein…..
Poem is full of English English English filled…….
Personification, Metaphors….all of it………………
I read it 3-4 times and then Got it……Did I get that…..
Poem is very poetic,
poem is full of English,
Poem has a flow,
Poem has a topic,
Poem is dressed and buttered,
Poem is creamed with words,
Poem looks to be of those old old a 200 years old poem,
Poem is commendable for use of words and bringing the dead to life,
Poem is a well thought of poem and built over days and days,
Poem is a tough for readers, I had to take to the Dictionary a many few places,
Poem has an Imagination, like an art director,
Poem is a poem.
I have mixed thoughts when I read your poem
Your style has not completely changed here, you are influenced by old era type poetry, you old style reflected in many places.
Tomar bhalo poet off course……..
Stars = * * * *
Shreyansh Sen Sharma Reply:
October 16th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
Rita had never made mushroom curry in her life…once,she decided that should would try.she used all her culinary skills n made the curry.In her kitty party,she asked her friends{who knew how to cook it)whether the curry tasted fine.geeta tasted it n said-”namak thoda kum hai”…yana said-”use bell pepper”…alka said-”chop the mushroom symmetrically into three pieces”…but the point was that rita had never made the curry before,and it tasted JUST fine.
ULHAS Reply:
October 16th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Rita sure does know how to make the curry……
And have you heard the latest news…Ritas curry is served in Taj now-a-days……….and so is the poem……as good to be served in a golden plate……………..
Great one….
Shreyansh Sen Sharma Reply:
October 16th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
hehe…thats nice of u buddy.what i wanted so say is I never thought that I would write a dark poem someday.and as the whole set up was about egypt n spirits,I had to use such words.its somethin dat i’ve learnd frm p4p,that the type of words u use in the poem effects the feel,jus as the type of masalas in the curry affect the flavour.let me put it this way.consider the following line-
“clubs and axes crushed the golden crypt”
now here is a “new-age” interpretation-
“yo man yo the bone bought a club
and bang-chic-bang he broke the damn grave”
lol.
ULHAS Reply:
October 16th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Yes, use of words is magnificent, I did appreciate that, you have really taken pains in writing this poem.
Your every word has a emphasis…..
Bravo buddy, you have made an Amitabh entry……seriously……I liked the poem…….The poem looks great from every angle……….Initially I lost it, in the first read, but then I read it again and again….I got it then……
As I told you before Its a well thought of and a well executed poem as a well executed film like black….
Egypt was a nice location choice…..hehehehhehe
Great work………
What say about Rita, where is she now……:)
Shreyansh Sen Sharma Reply:
October 18th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
ulhas,u have rated me 4,3,5 in my previous works,you adore simplicity,which is why you rated my last poem 5.I have always been writing simple poems,post dire consequences.but since then,as I’ve restricted myself for posting just one poem per month,I get time to read and re-read my poems.Thus,I have inhibited this tendency of hating every previous work of mine after posting it.I saw many many flaws in “with love,newspaper boy”.And in the mean time,I read a lot of great poems in p4p,and became more aware about the different way of writings and what do readers point out in a poem and appreciate.I was pining to write something different,as there was no point in repeating something.so with a huge collection of ideas,I tried to do somthin different with this poem.hopefully,u’ll like my next work n bless me with 5 
.
rita is thinking to try another new dish now!
p.s-a poet doesn’t take pain in writing a poem.
ULHAS Reply:
October 22nd, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Your something different is really good, the more I read it, the better it looks….
Again Shreyansh,,,,,,great work…………I always try to put the comments from my heart…..sometimes people dont like it……
I read it today again…..and it looks different again…
great sir……keep rita busy…..and by the way I am in Mumbai….my number 25220141……9870606350
Well done Shreyansh- the imagery is fantastic-the language and flow is good-you are improving with every poem !
Great poem and good flow.
Congrats.
Shreyansh Sen Sharma Reply:
October 16th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
parikshit,medhini,shalu.thnx a lot for ur comments.always luve to hear frm u.
renu ma’am-firstly,thnx a lot for your kind words.i’ve learnt a lot frm p4p.thnx again.
Dear Shreyans,
This is a very good poem! I liked the metaphors and the descriptions equally. Well-deserved crown, I say. Thanks for sharing with us. I rated you 5 stars.
Reminded me of “The Mummy”…
Well done. Well written. And Congrats…
Wahhh, Shreyansh ! It’s really a rememberably remarkable and praiseworthy
poesy of yours awarding you a poetic licence…….akgoswami.
Aah.will write something new soon.
The metaphors embellishes the poem at right places to give it a face that art of poetry longs for.
Very well written.
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Chandan Sen Reply:
October 16th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
Very Intense and well composed.
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