Mourn Me, Now When dead

Written by U L H A S
July 23, 2008

3 votes, average: 3.33 out of 53 votes, average: 3.33 out of 53 votes, average: 3.33 out of 53 votes, average: 3.33 out of 53 votes, average: 3.33 out of 5 (3 votes, average: 3.33 out of 5)
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This poem is about a dead person, who feels sorry that he is leaving this world betraying his loved ones

Mourn me now when dead

eyes cry thee.

Tears a river shed

lay where me.

 

Forgive me for this betray

each foe, and friends.

Take me away to my last fray

where my trip ends.

 

on an eventual part

plead, I for the mother’s eye to weep.

All and every, whom to me timid

to take a grief too deep.

 

And to those ways

where last, should I pass,

where kindled a blissful soul me.

where sport a life, though wee.

 

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English Poetry
Comments
Comment by krishna on 23 July, 2008 @ 3:12 pm

Ulhas ji well written and a great try to capture death’s effect. But I genuinly feel that you write much much better than this…
Looking forward to other posts…

Comment by renu rakheja on 23 July, 2008 @ 6:50 pm

it should be betrayal in the 2nd stanza

Comment by ulhas_kavle on 23 July, 2008 @ 7:10 pm

How was the poem, you didnt say that.

betray, I guess is ok, that means to go-away or give-up, and it matches the rhyming thing.You are also right, if this was not a poem, the word betray is a mis-match, so there are some words that I make up or give a benefit or doubt in grammer sense. I had made up a word called School-bent in one of my poems called Ice-cream.

So you are right, please give me the benefit of doubt.

But kindly tell me is, how the poem was and what you thought of it.

Thanks for your input though, so nice of you to actually read it and rate it.

Comment by renu rakheja on 23 July, 2008 @ 7:34 pm

Dear Ulhas- if you may ask me I did not really like the poem…and it doesnt reach the standard of some of your other poems
I somehow do not like to compromise on grammar for the sake of rhyming.betray in the context of the line is wrong.
Also same thing in the 1st stanza-eyes cry thee and lay where me…are also grammatically incorrect.

Comment by ulhas_kavle on 23 July, 2008 @ 7:43 pm

I am really really happy, to see your comments.

I will take your comments in my stride….thanks a lot. Comments are the only thing I am looking out for.

Thanks a lot. I will take care. God bless you……

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